**WARNING** If words like Uterus, cervix, or vagina affend you don’t continue.

Jodi gave a little insight into our first Lamaze class in the blog below, but I thought I would throw my 2 cents in.

First off, these classes are driving me nuts.  We have the same lady for every class we’ve been to, and she is really starting to annoy me.  Examples: The first time I heard her say “Feel free to ask a question as soon as you have it.  I know from being pregnant that with baby brain if you don’t ask right away you may never get it back.” it was kinda funny.  But, she starts EVERY class with the same lame jokes.  Also, she wastes so much time.  I think she is being paid until 9 pm so she tries her best to make every class take that long.  Even if that means that she has to ask if there are any questions 4 time and then sit there in awkward silence.  Or, just talk really slow and go over things numerous times.  Also, and I just realized this last class and I am sure it is going to kill over the next FIVE weeks, but she is ALWAYS touching herself.  Maybe it was because we were doing the whole “relaxation thing” last class, but as she was instructing the Mom’s-to-be how to relax I am pretty sure she was helping herself relax.  She was caressing her neck and then other times stroking her leg.  Weird.

Enough about the teacher, she is a nice lady, just a couple of quarks.  The part that I so desperately wanted to blog about is great.  I am sure I won’t do it justice with this story, but I will do my best.

The first thing we do is introduce ourselves to everyone and discussed if we are having a boy or girl or in our case don’t know (we started our own category).  Then we begin to talk about the birth.  All this time our teacher lady has had some different items on a table.  I paid no attention to them as she always has some sort of props she uses.  So as she is discussing why birth is painful (I whisper to Jodi that is was the apple in Eden) she leans back to her table and grabs a couple of props.  One is a realistic model of the pelvis hip area.  The other is some sort of knit ball.   I thought the ball was going to represent the baby, but then I notice that this ball has short sleeve like opening and all the sudden I get it.  I lean to Jodi with a smirk on my face and say “That isn’t supposed to be a…”  and she smirks back at me nodding her head, YES.  It was a Knit Uterus!  That’s right, a Knit Uterus.  I happened to look it up on line and found a company selling this thing, here is there description.

One of the most effective cervical effacement and dilatation teaching tools ever devised, this knitted uterus model is made of variegated blue acrylic yarns that differentiate the fundus, lower segment, cervix, and vagina (attached with snaps).

I mean seriously.  The thing looked like a sweater, stripes and all.  The best part is when she proceeded to unsnap the vagina, stick her hand up the cervix and pull the baby’s head out!  (I’m not sure if I got that order right) I don’t know how to take these classes seriously.  I mean really, a Knit Uterus.

I am all for knitting, don’t get me wrong.  I am sure it is great hobby.  I nice sweater or cap is a great idea.  Old ladies sitting around knitting random items of clothing for members of their families is a great gesture.  But the idea of a some factory mass producing stripped knit Uteruses makes me sick, and also laugh.  It takes a talent to knit a sweater or even a blanket, but it you can knit a Uterus you are a yarn master.

It is usually rare that Andy and I have NOTHING we need to do and we can sit on the couch and veg out. The past few weeks it has been even more or a rarity. Our weeks are a balancing act between work, church, friends, and chores. Now we have an added commitment in our schedule, Lamaze, which we started  this past Monday night. After a long introduction to the class we were told to lay on the floor and relax, well unfortunately I’m barely comfortable in  my own bed, so getting comfortable and “relaxing” on the floor just wasn’t happening. I couldn’t stop fidgeting and I barely heard what she was asking us to do. Have no fear though, Andy was sprawled out on his back, eyes closed, and breathing deep. So at least one of us will be relaxed when the baby comes. 

In other news, the nursery is about complete. Andy and I put some finial details in this past weekend and now all we need are the new windows that will be installed in about a week. Sometimes I walk into the nursery and look around and walk out smiling in disbelief. I really don’t think this is all going to set in until we drive away from the hospital with a baby in the back seat. 

Physically, I haven’t had too many changes lately. Well, other than the fact that as my belly grows my face seems to swell. I have noticed that my wedding band (I took my wedding ring off a few weeks ago) is now hard to get on and off. I did hurt my left foot about a week ago, not sure how, but it has healed and thankfully walking is less painful. I have  given in to wearing only Crocs or my running shoes to work now. I really don’t care how it looks I’m way more concerned with comfort at this point. One strange thing is that I wake up in the middle of the night not to a full bladder, but to soar hips. They  start to ache in the middle of the night and I have to roll over all the time to relive the pain. I’m not sure if my hips are stretching in preparation for birth or if I’m just laying in a bad position. The baby seems to be healthy and moving all around. I absolutely love having one of God’s miracles move around in my stomach. It is truly incredible and I’m in awe of the whole thing, aches and all! Now all we need is a name for a boy.

**WARNING** If words like Penis, Penis-head, or Slide Projector affend you don’t continue.

Yeah, it has been a while since there has been a little male perspective on this blog.  Believe me, I have gotten all the emails and letters requesting for my insight.  So, without any further delay…just don’t call it a come back (little LL reference).

Have you ever been in a room with a bunch of people making jokes and laughing with you wife, then look around and realize that the two of you are the only ones laughing.  That pretty much sums up what our first experience was like at the “Baby Care” classes we are attending at our hospital.  

Funny thing you may not know about me…when I get in large group of people and there is awkward silence I always go through a million different funny things (well things I think would be funny) to say out loud.  Every once in a while I actually say them, but usually it is just under my breath to Jodi.  Like at this class, we are there maybe 4 minutes and here it comes…awkward silence, and in my head I just want to blurt out “So, babies huh?”.  I know, it is not even that funny, but in my head it is hilarious.  

So the class starts off with this nice lady welcoming us, and breifly going over what we will be learning.  The next thing I remember the lights are out and some how this lady got here hands on my grandpa’s slide projector from the late 70’s.  My first thought is “aren’t we at Lakewood Ranch Women’s Center, where is the flat screen with the Blue Ray video?” my second thought was “how does this lady know my grandpa?”.  

She starts flipping through slides and mentioning some helpful tips.  I have to admit that over all I learned some stuff that will most likely be useful information.  But, then came the circumcision discussion.  This is when I almost lost it.  She must have said the word Penis or Penis-head 12 -17 times in a row.  But the kicker was when she was warning us about the recovery for the little guy’s little guy.  Her exact words were “The first time you open up the diaper there is going to be an angry little penis looking back at you.”  Of course all I could think about was a penis with an angry face questioning me as to why I put it through such torture.

Jodi and I thought it was hilarious.  It was so funny.  But then we looked around and we were the only ones laughing.  We started to think that maybe we were too immature for what we are getting ourselves into.  Then again maybe we could laugh about it because we are actually calm enough to see the humor in a good Penis-head joke.

Our Valentine’s Day Date.

It is funny how Valentine’s day has changed from when we were dating to now. Andy used to go all out for Valentine’s day. He would spend crazy time and money on gifts, poems, or scavenger hunts every year. In the last few years Andy and I haven’t done as much, we usually do something sweet for each other and make extra time to be together. This year Andy wrote me a sweet poem appropriately tittled “2 to 3″ and it is about where we’ve been and where we are going. I couldn’t even finish reading it becuase I started crying almost instantly (a common side effect of pregnancy these days.) I gave Andy a box of Pops cereal and an uniterupted half hour of vegging out in front to theTV Saturday morning. Saturday evening we took the 15 minute drive out to beautiful Lido Beach and watched the sunset. We rarely go to the beach without one of us saying “I love that we live here.” It was perfect too becuase we got there right at the end of a beach wedding  which added to the romantic atmosphere. There were also  100s of blankets with couples scattered up and down the beach.  We timidly took our new camera out with us and took some fun pictures.We were extra cautions of keeping it clear of the sand. The baby was one of the main topics, as we talked about all things we were looking forward to and the things we would miss. It was a great day with my best friend!

Most days I feel the baby move at certain times for a small window of time, today I felt like the baby was moving ALL day. I’m not sure what spurred this hyper activity on but it has been unlike any other day. Not only is the baby moving a lot, but several times it has moved with so much force that it stopped me in my tracks. I wonder how much stronger it will get in the remaining 8 weeks, yikes!